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Time to Go

I’m divorcing my husband. It’s a huge leap to make, but it has to happen. I can’t live in perpetual madness all the time. 

Leaving is difficult. Staying is impossible. I should have left 2 years ago when I kicked him out. I would be better off now. There’s no time for should’ves. It’s time for action. I don’t know how to leave. I’m not sure what to do next. I am developing a plan. I have to be careful because he is manipulative. He will get his mother involved. I will be bullied into submission. 

I don’t say much about what goes on in this house. I have reached the point where I no longer want to deal with it. Money shouldn’t be a problem with us. He spends it like we have it. Rent is always late. Bills are always late big I say anything, I’m ganging up on him. Sex shouldn’t be a game. It should be loving and mutual. My cervix is hanging between my legs, I expect my partner to understand my lack of desire. Instead, he manipulates and says I just don’t want to be with him. I’m shaming him for having desires. He pits my kids with him against my son.  He makes the both of us feel like outsiders. 

I can’t live like this. I’m tired. My kids deserve better. I just need a plan. 

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