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Burn Out

All I want is to be a nurse. I thought by having a decent job as a cna would give me some experience to do that. I did not expect my current job to suck the desire right out of me. 

I started a year ago. It was rocky at first. I attributed it to it being a new facility. They were building up staff and clientele. Six months in they reached capacity. They still didn’t have staffing worked out. I had coworkers scream at me. I had coworkers refuse to help. I went to management. Nothing was done. I put in my resignation. They begged me to stay. I stayed. I didn’t want to lose my insurance. Again, I thought it would get better. 

Two months ago I had a fellow nurse’s aide threaten me and push me. I went to the Director of Nursing. She did nothing. The aide was still on the floor. This particular aide was constantly late, disappeared for hours, and was hostile to the nurses. I really started to rethink staying. 

At the same time all of this is happening, I am having health and family issues. I had to take time off from work. I kept them informed of what was going on. I even used up all my PTO instead of calling off every day. I did forget to renew my cna because of all the stress. I was out for 2 weeks because of it. That was my fault. I figured I’ve done a lot for this company. Maybe they should cut me some slack. 

During my break, the aide was fired due to a no call no show. She had 5 of those, but whatever. The nurse she was hostile to wrote up a letter to the DON. It did nothing. They fired her for a no call no show. It’s ridiculous. Anyway, I was pleased. Maybe returning would be better. 

I was wrong.  Again. I was given low marks on my performance review due to attendance and poor communication. I guess communicating what is wrong is poor communication. I just sat there. I thought about the nights I was the only aide on the floor with 40 patients. I thought about the night a guest had a stroke. No one knew because we couldn’t get to him. Staffing was so bad. I thought about how I sat with guests while they were dying. I thought about the endless times I’ve had to fix administration’s fuck ups. None of that matters. To them all that matters is me working myself to death to add to their warm body list. 

I have been back to work a week. My hands are tied. I can’t leave until after my surgery. I hate it there. Last night, Nurse Know it All found a patient on the floor. She comes around the corner yelling at me. I was talking to a patient in the hall. I thought that was very unprofessional. I excused myself and we go to the room. This patient had a bowel movement. The nurse just starts freaking out. She gets irritated with me because I can’t lift her. We finally get someone to help us put the lady on the toilet. The nurse does not wait for me. She rushes through and makes a huge mess. I have to give the lady a shower. I had to clean the bathroom. I had to change the sheets. It took over an hour. Had the nurse waited for me; I would have had her cleaned up in less than 20 minutes. 

Meanwhile, another patient is screaming at me to come help her. I tell her I will be with her next. When I finally go in there, she says she’s reporting me. I should have stopped what I was doing because her family pays a lot of money for her to be there. I had it by that time. I let my coworker take care of it. I couldn’t even finish my work because my time was eaten away by a nurse’s incompetence. 

My coworkers could have come down my hall and answered the call lights. They could have helped me put people to bed. They didn’t because we were understaffed. They were bogged down with the same type of crap. 

I can no longer rationalize staying at my facility. I can’t work with this nurse. She is rude and condescending. I can’t be in fear of losing my job because patients have no concept of other people. I can’t continue to feel this much stress. The actual patient care is fine. It’s administration and nursing management that is awful. It makes it difficult to keep going in. 

I want a job I can stomach. I want a job where we work as a team to solve problems. I want a job where the nurses respect the people that are their eyes and ears. This is not that job. This place is a mess.  I need to get out of it before I lose all desire to be a nurse. 

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2 thoughts on “Burn Out

    1. Not at the moment. I have to have the hysterectomy. I have a lesion. I would rather not risk it. While I’m off, I’m going to a job center to try and get my resume together. There’s a new place opening up 2 miles away. They open in October. I could go to Wellbridge. They hired me, but I chose this hell hole.

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